Forgiveness is one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself. It’s easy to hold on to anger, resentment, or sadness when someone hurts you. These feelings might feel justified, but they weigh you down over time. They keep you stuck in the past, relieving the pain repeatedly. Frank Desiderio, a poet and priest, once explored the idea of forgiveness in his documentary The Big Question: A Film about forgiveness. His work highlights forgiveness as a personal act and a universal need.
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What Forgiveness Really Means
Forgiveness isn’t about pretending nothing happened. It doesn’t mean you must let someone back into your life or give them a chance to hurt you again. In some cases, you might think forgiveness is impossible because the pain runs too deep. But, as Frank Desderio explains in his book Can You Let Go of a Grudge?, forgiveness is a process. It’s not something you have to do all at once. You can take small steps, starting with the decision to try.
Why Forgiveness Helps You Heal
When you hold on to anger, it can affect your mental and physical health. Unresolved hurt can cause stress, sleeplessness, and even physical pain. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can heal you. You might think forgiveness lets the other person off the hook, but forgiveness is for you. Frank Desiderio has led retreats on forgiveness, helping people let go of their pain and move forward. His work shows that forgiving doesn’t erase what happened but allows you to heal.
The Journey to Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not easy. It takes time, patience, and courage. Sometimes, the pain feels impossible to let go. But as Frank Desiderio teaches, forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. It begins with acknowledging the pain and allowing yourself to feel it. You cannot heal what you refuse to face.
Forgiveness also requires empathy. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior, but it means trying to understand why someone acted the way they did. Everyone carries their pain, and hurt people hurt others. Recognizing this can soften the anger in your heart.
Finally, forgiveness requires letting go. This is the hardest step, but it is also the most liberating. It means releasing the anger and resentment, not because the other person deserves it, but because you deserve peace.
Forgive Yourself, Too
In most cases, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You might replay mistakes, wishing you’d done things differently. But holding onto guilt doesn’t change the past — it only makes the present harder. Forgiving yourself is just as crucial as forgiving others. Frank Desiderio has spoken about the importance of self-forgiveness in his retreats and writings. He reminds you that nobody is perfect and that making mistakes is part of being human.
The Power of Peace Through Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a gift, not for the one who wronged you but for yourself. It untangles you from the chains of anger, resentment, and pain, allowing you to step forward with peace. While the journey isn’t easy, it’s transformative. Frank Desderio’s teachings remind us that forgiveness is a process — one that requires time, empathy, and courage. By embracing it, you heal yourself and create space for a more hopeful future. To learn more about the process of forgiveness see Frank Desiderio’s book, Can You Let Go of a Grudge? You can find it here https://www.paulistpress.com/Products/4844-8/can-you-let-go-of-a-grudge.aspx.
